Shinoa's Life Story Well Kinda
by QueenOtakuIsAnAnimeAddict
Summary: This has to do with some of Shinoa's problems dealing with bullies, suicide, and depression. Will she ever find out who she really is? Will she ever get a chance to be happy? Only the future can tell... She goes through many things but how much longer can she take of this?
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys this is something new I'm trying out. This is just part one of chapter 1. If I kept typing it would've been too long. I'm probably gonna post the rest tomorrow. The characters personalities are nothing like the anime/manga. I just needed their names to cover up... You guys don't need to like it this is just my way of expressing myself. If you guys can't tell Shinoa will be the main character... Anyways go on and read it and tell me if you guys like it.**

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Chapter 1

There stood Shinoa, wait a blade in her hand aimed at her wrist. Tears wouldn't stop running out of her eyes. Why is she crying? She doesn't know why…. she feels empty inside, alone, useless, unwanted, worthless. Why does she feel this? Why can't she figure out her own feelings? Why now? She usually just ignored her feelings, bottled them inside of her but this time she didn't know why she felt this way. Her cries echoed in the empty room, no one able to hear her. She doesn't know who she is anymore, she isn't acting like herself. As tears rolled down her face she brought the blade to her wrist. Pressing the blade against her skin she continued to think of herself as a worthless piece of trash. While she was pressing on the blade she made an incision. One….. Two….. Three. Dropping the blade she sat down on the floor, hugging her legs she tried to stop her tears. She didn't cut enough to start bleeding a lot but enough for it to leave a scar and for drops of blood to drip out. 'I'm sorry I'm worthless everyone' she said to herself. After 30 minutes she told up, she looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes red and puffy, her nose stuffed up, and her wrist crimson. "I'm pathetic, I can't even hold up my own feelings. All I'm going to do is cause a problem, I'm such a selfish bitch." she told herself. It was 1 in the morning, she walked out of her room and into the bathroom. She locked the door behind her and turned on the lights. She opened one of the cupboards and took out some bandaids. She carefully put them on her scars so no one would notice them. Everyone in her house was asleep so she tried to be as quite as she could. She walked back into her room and locked her door. She noticed some snapchat notifications from Mika. Mika is her best friend, she tells him everything and so does he but she doesn't tell him about her scars and her thoughts. He knows she has problems but he does't know how bad it is. She doesn't want to bother him with her idiotic problems, he has his demons too.

Shinoa wasn't always like this, it all started her 8th grade year. Shinoa was originally from Shibuya but moved to Shinjuku in 3rd grade. It was difficult for her to make friends since she was so different. "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL! ALL THE GIRLS MAKE FUN OF ME AND LOCK ME IN THE BATHROOM!" Shinoa would get bullied, she would often go cry in the bathroom and eat her lunch there or sometimes not even eat. "PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO!" She begged her mother, "Shinoa! You need to go to school! There's no one at home to take care of you and I need to go to work to pay for our new house!" All throughout 3rd grade she would be dragged into school with tears in her eyes, "Why are you crying? You're such a baby!" She still remembers those words, she still remembers all the kids that would say mean things to her. Somehow she managed to go through 3rd grade without friends or anyone to talk to. Instead of going out and hanging out with friends she would sit and watch tv in her living room or go use the family computer. Her mom was always at work and when she would come back she would make dinner and then go to sleep. Shinoa was never close to her father so every time he would come home he would turn on the TV and go to sleep. She would often eat dinner by herself and lock herself in her room. I guess this is how she became antisocial. She would't get new clothes, shoes or toys. Since she was small and short her clothes would always fit her so her parents didn't see a reason to buy her new clothes, plus it would say them a lot of money. Shinoa has never had a taste of "the good life" but she was okay with that. She never really needed that she just wanted her parents affection.

4th grade came around and she met this girl named Mahiru that was in her class. Mahiru was the complete opposite of Shinoa. Mahiru is tall, Shinoa is short, Mahiru is smart, Shinoa could use help, Mahiru loves to read, Shinoa can't pronouns words correctly. Even thought they were completely different they became best friends. They sat next to each other during lunch and class, they would always play together during lunch. It was always them two they couldn't have been happier. They would come over to each others house and have play dates and sleepovers. But there was this girl, they weren't quite sure who she was. They only knew her name and her name was Krul. Krul would always follow them but hid so Shinoa and Mahiru was't able to see her. This happened throughout the whole 4th grade. Shinoa finally had a friend to be happy and make memories with, she couldn't have been happier that she had moved and that she met Mahiru.

5th grade came up. Shinoa noticed Krul, Shinoa asked Krul if she would like to hang out with her and Mahiru with a smile. Krul accepted, there was a new friend so now it was Shinoa, Mahiru, and Krul. Even though Krul was apart of out gang know it was pretty obvious that it will always be Shinoa and Mahiru best friends for life. Later onto the year came a new girl, she was from Nagoya and her name is Yayoi. Everyone had a crush on her, she was the cutest 5th grader at the time and she was really innocent. She sat next to Shinoa, Mahiru and Krul. From that day on she was an other girl in the gang. Shinoa couldn't be happier, she finally had friends who liked her.

6th grade. Things started to get a little shaky. There was this horrible girl who was ruining Shinoa's life. She was braking up her friendship with Krul and Yayoi with her mean lies. Shinoa would often cry because she missed her friends and Mahiru was always there to console her. Shinoa never told her mother or father about her problems since she they were always too busy for her. Shinoa finally confronted the horrible girl and told her to find new friends because she was tired of her ruining her friendship with her terrible lies. After that the gang was back together and sent the rest of the 6th grade with happy memories.

7th grade, everything went wrong. Shinoa had to get glasses because of her eye sight was getting bad, Yayoi also needed glasses. She had finally gotten a phone and her parents bought her, her own laptop since she had good grades so that was a plus. The horrible girl was back, this time she was with these two girls names Mito and Mistuba. Shinoa was okay with both of them because they were nice to her and the horrible girl didn't like that. Then there was this girl Shigure, she began to hang out with Shinoa and them. Shinoa later on met a boy, his name is Mika. She had a slight crush on him when she first met him. She was in his second period with Yayoi and Mito, things started to get better. Well until Yayoi came out with some bad news, she was moving again due to her fathers job. After she moved there was a new boy. Shinoa took interest in this boy because he also came from Shibuya, the same place she came from. She also began to have a crush for this boy. She was losing the crush she had on Mika. Mika and Mito noticed that she would act different around that certain boy, she then confessed she had a crush on him. Lucky for her he also had a crush on her, bad luck he was a fuckboy. Shinoa had this friend she really did't walk to but she knew her, her name is Chess. Chess one day came up to her happy and told her that her cousin Horn was coming back home from America. Shinoa met Horn and quickly became friend with her. Horn was in her second period with Mika and Mito. Horn would come over to Shinoa's house all the time and they became close. Shinoa and the Fuckboy started to go out, Shinoa isn't allowed to date so she had to keep it a secret from her parents. This was her first boyfriend, she was so happy but soon that happiness turned to sadness and hatred. They dated for a month, Fuckboy broke up with her because he started getting feelings for an other girl. Shinoa understood and was okay with the brake up, she was a little hurt thought, he broke up with her through text. The girl wouldn't notice the Fuckboy so a week after Fuckboy and Shinoa broke up, Fuckboy asked her out again. Like an idiot Shinoa accepted him back. Horn then told Shinoa that Fuckboy only asked her back to make the other girl jealous. Shinoa felt rage store up inside of her. She soon found out what Horn had told her was true. Shinoa dumped Fuckboy and he kept saying it wasn't true. His friends would laugh at him because they knew Shinoa found out about his intentions. She blocked him out, even though she still had feelings for I'm she told herself that she didn't. She was still best friends with Mahiru and Krul but she would get mad at Krul at times. Krul would complain how her parents didn't lover her because they wouldn't buy her the latest phone, one day Shinoa snapped and told her how lucky she was to have parents who would buy her all the things she desired.

Summer. Krul also had problems but Shinoa couldn't tell, Krul would only say her parents would buy her love but Shinoa didn't understand and thought that Krul was just ungrateful. She wasn't completely wrong about her being ungrateful but she soon made up lies about Shinoa. Krul told her brother that Shinoa would call her a peasant and that Shinoa acted like she was the shit. Krul stopped coming to school. When Shinoa and Mahiru would text her she would never text back. During this time period Shinoa was introduced to anime. Shinoa loves anime, that was her way of escaping reality. After she discovered Anime she also discovered online friends. They were everything to her, they would understand her better than her real friends. Shinoa started to live in the online world. That summer she binged watched over 80 anime shows. That summer her grandfather was also assassinated by some filthy cowered. Shinoa's mother left that same day to America after she herd her father was assassinated with Shinoa's father. Shinoa stayed with her older brother at home. Shinoa's other brother didn't really affect her life, he would drop and pick her up from school. But he did cause Shinoa a great scare once. He tried to commit suicide by overdosing. Shinoa started putting pieces together and started noticing that life was a blessing but also a curse. Shinoa also wanted to commit suicide after she found out her grandfather had died. She felt like the worlds most horrible person, every time she would go to America she would wouldn't visit him that often, she would only see him about 2 or 3 times while they were over there. She would go to some place with wifi to be with her online friends. Shinoa told Mahiru that she was going to commit suicide and that she was sorry for all the sorrow she had ever caused her. Mahiru being the best friends anyone could ever have stopped Shinoa from committing suicide. Shinoa was in contact with Mika throughout the whole summer and made plans for 8th grade. They were getting close and pretty soon they also became best friends and she soon began feeling feelings for him again.

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 **Again there is still more I need to type I just can't make this super long bc I would bored you guys. Well anyways you people will probably not find this :p idk if its still considered a fanfic tbh. Well anyways if you actually read all of this just know... I LOVE YOU! Okei bai bai :3 3**


	2. Chapter 1 con

**Hello there :3 this is the second part of the introduction. I hope you guys enjoy it and i'm sorry if I have spelling/grammar errors i'm not good at english :p**

 **Anyways I hope you enjoy this second part :D**

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Chapter 1

(con.)

8th grade. Shinoa was ready to start off 8th grade with a fresh new start. Her and Mika planned everything, who they would sit with, where they would sit, who they would trust. The squad was Her, Mika, Shigure, and Mahiru. Mika didn't have any classes with Shinoa, Shigure, or Mahiru. Mahiru was really smart so she had all honor classes so she didn't have any classes with Mika but she did have drama with with Shinoa and Shigure. On the first day of school Shinoa had drama first, when she walked in she saw a girl sitting by herself. Shinoa walked up to the girl and sat next to her. "Hi my name is Shinoa, what is yours?" Shigure and Mahiru saw what Shinoa was doing and introduced themselves to her. "My name is Sayuri, i'm from Tokyo" From that day on Sayuri was an other member of the gang. A few weeks passed, Shinoa was walking to her table. She was walking back from the lunch line and she saw Mito sitting at her table with the rest of the gang.

"Hey Shinoa!" Mito called out as Shinoa as she sat down.

"Yo Mito, what you doing here? Don't you usually sit with the horrible girl?" Shinoa said confused.

"Ya about that…. Well it turns out that my "best friend" is actually a two faced bitch"

'Oh believe me, I know' Shinoa thought to herself. Mito was explaining how she was going to ask out her crush and how she had told the horrible girl about it. The day Mito was going to confess the horrible girl went up to Mito and told her that she was now going out with her crush, I guess you can imagine what happened next. Everything was going awesome Shinoa was really happy how her life was going so far. She was also pretty popular and easily made friends.

"Where's Mika?" Mito asked

"He's in detention… again" Shinoa replied. Mika is a trouble maker and never does his work so he often got detentions.

"You know so much about Mika, Shinoa. I could see you two as a couple." Shigure teased.

"Don't be stupid." Shinoa said wryly.

"Want my peanut butter Shinoa?" Sayuri asked.

"Yes please!" Shinoa said as she reached for the peanut butter. She then began to think. Shinoa still had a slight crush on Mika but she knew she had to get rid of her feelings for him, she didn't want to make things awkward between them. Mika was very popular with the girls and always had a girlfriend. They wouldn't last for long but he would always find a girl. Her feelings for Mika started to vanish. Horn would have trouble with school work so she would go over to Shinoa's house after school so Shinoa could help her. She was loving her 8th grade year everything was going smoothly. On weekends she would stay at home all day texting with her online friends. There was this one girl online, she called that girl her twin because they were very alike and loved each other very much. Shinoa would also Twin and she would tell her about her day. Shinoa's favorite class was science at the time, she sat in the front with one of her friends named Mistuba. Mistuba and Shinoa weren't that close at the time but they would slowly open up to each other within time. Mistuba is friends with the horrible girls so their wasn't really anything she could do about it so she would just deal with it. Although 8th grade year was better than any other year it was also the worst than ever other year. Shinoa's mother expect Shinoa to do more than what she could actually do. Shinoa believed in herself and told herself she would do this all for her mother. Shinoa loves her mother very much but her mother is the cause of most of her problems. Shinoa tried her best not to let her real emotions show. She didn't want anyone to know that she was broken so she put on her fake smile every morning. "I'm okay, I'm okay…. I'm okay." Shinoa's lab partner moved to a different class so she needed a new partner. Mistuba asked her if she would like to be her partner with the horrible girl. There could be 3 to a lab so she accepted, Shinoa went up her new lab with Mistuba and their was the horrible girl with a sour look on her face. 'This is for mom just deal with it' Shinoa could go through this but the horrible girl couldn't. She left the lab and went to a different one.

"Where you going?" Shinoa asked the horrible girl.

"Well isn't it obvious? You've replaced me." The horrible girl said with sass. Shinoa didn't understand what she meant by "replaced"

"What do you mean 'replaced'? There can be three to a lab"

"Like I said, you've replaced me."

"Are you really gonna act this way?" Mistuba asked the horrible girl. Mistuba then left the lab station and went back to her desk.

"What's up with her?" The horrible girl said emotionless.

Shinoa left the lab station and went after Mistuba, "Did I do something wrong?"

"No she's just acting stupid" Mistuba explained to me.

"Well we can just work on our lab here on our desk" Shinoa said. They ended up finishing their work at their desk. Some time passed by, she was in language class and they were getting new seats. Little did she know that this seat change, changed her whole life.

Shinoa started to space out, "Shinoa you sit next to Guren." said Sensei

"Ayeeee" Guren said laughing.

"What! Again!" Shinoa pouted, everyone began to laugh and Shinoa went to her assigned seat.

"Yurichio, you sit next to Shinoa." Sensei let the Yurichio boy know. Shinoa didn't pay much attention to the Yurichio boy because she was talking to Guren. As Yurichio went to his assigned seat next to Shinoa he called out her name.

"Hey Shinoa, weren't you Fuckboy's girlfriend?" Yurichio asked.

Shinoa's mood was ruined, she smiled and said, "Fuckboy is dead to me so don't you ever dare ask me about him again."

Yurichio sat there in surprise, "Well alrighty then" he said in surprise. Who knew that simple question could mess with Shinoa's life.

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 **I will upload next Saturday or Sunday :3 please let me know if you like it and what you think of this story. Okay I go now bai bai :3**


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